Life

I can't begin to tell you how much my life is changing. As we get older and wiser-we grow closer and closer to God. We look back on our lives and our experiences and realize so much more about ourselves and our purpose. It's so interesting to me to see how different roads and puzzle pieces make up the road map of our lives. Every turn takes us to a different location-a different reality. It's invigorating to me to be a mother and see myself as a child in my daughters eyes. I see myself in her and I'm reminded that I am not a child anymore-but a grown woman. I remember the days dreaming of what it would be like to be 25 years old! To be married...to have a home...to have a family of my own. And I'm now there. In it. Completely at my dream level. I notice that I feel so much deeper now and love so much stronger than I ever have. Maybe it's because I lost my mother 5 years ago and I know how short life can be. Losing her was so devastating to me. We had our teenage mother daughter fights (a lot!) and definitely were very different people-but still I always found comfort in knowing she was my mother and she loved me even though she sometimes had a hard time expressing it to me. I know she was proud of me and she wanted me to be happy (and married with children!!!). She got her wish and as soon as she did-she passed on. It was only 6 months after my daughter was born that the tragedy happened. So every year that my daughter is one year older-it is a reminder of how long my mother has been gone. Recently my father came for a visit. I had a wonderful time with him and he really enjoyed spending the time with my daughter-tickling her and making her laugh. I couldn't help but think those awful thoughts...knowing it's only a matter of time till I won't see him anymore. Every second counts so much to tell someone you love them or show them that you care. I held my dad's hand as he left my car to check into the airport and all I could wish for was that I would see him again. He's now 73 years old and not in the best of health. I try to make him take better care of himself-but on his journey-he does what he wants. It's so hard to let go and let God. But that is exactly what we all need to learn how to do. I look at this country and all the poor people struggling to keep their homes or find jobs. Then I see what happened in Oslo and have such a heavy heart for the victims and their families. What do we do to make this world a better more peaceful place until we get to heaven? I've asked myself that question a lot. I didn't realize that even with my age and knowledge that it would bring me to the same answer I had when I was a child. We have to live life to the fullest capacity-without being destructive to our bodies or souls. Treat yourself like you would treat God-with respect and love to the fullest. Give love and share love-whether it's a nice gesture, being a good friend, creating music or donating to a charity-whatever it is-do it with love. Anything from the heart is what is most important. Right now there are a lot of people suffering out there and all we can do is make a small difference every day in our own lives. Life. A small word...that can have so much power if good choices are made. I look at Amy Winehouse's death-and her life. I see a girl who had so much talent-so raw-so real. Whatever those demons were-whatever bad choices she made-her journey was made and her signature was left on our hearts and in our souls with her music and her voice. Her managers and the people around her couldn't stop her from making wrong choices. It's always our own choice. I pray for her family and for her fans mourning her loss. It has really been a sad week...I don't want to bring you all down with my blog. I just wanted to reflect on my feelings and share them with you because I felt the need to do so. The next song on my "Little Flower" collection-is called "Be There". It encompasses exactly what I've been saying since I was a kid. Listen to your surroundings. Take notice of the things that really matter in your life and make sure you are in the moment always. Never worry about the future or the past. Be in the moment. Be there. Love u all. Keep your spirits up and live your life the way god intended you to live it. Luv, Elisa